Christmas in Heaven
If I could text my bestie who’s in heaven, I’d ask her if they were planning a birthday party for Jesus. I’d ask her if this month they are singing Christmas carols and hymns instead of the regular hallelujahs they sing every day. I’d ask if Mary was over-the-top excited as we get to be around our kids’ birthdays.
It’s really an odd feeling to be so excited knowing that my bestie is spending Jesus’s birthday with Him and heartbroken for myself and all who love her deeply at the same time. I remember after she passed some people said it would get easier. Is it easier after nine months? Well, I no longer cry before I go to sleep every night. Just seeing her name doesn’t bring me to tears. I’m not mad like I used to be. But I am sad that she’s not here with me. No doubt this month she would have made me meals, brought them over and even done my dishes because those kinds of things are hard when you can only use one hand. She would have offered to drive me places, probably texted me from the store asking what I needed because, yes, trying to push a full grocery cart with one hand is pretty exhausting. We would have celebrated me signing another book contract. And we would have celebrated my son getting into the college of his choice. It’s not easier. God knows how deeply I miss her. But then I have moments when I remember where she’s at. She’s hanging out with Jesus. If they decorate in heaven for His birthday, she would be the one to make the banner. And thoughts like that, as silly and absurd as they may be, make me smile.
If you’re missing someone special this Christmas, let me know so I can pray for you. If you know someone grieving the loss of a loved one, pray for them. Pray for the peace that surpasses all understanding. Pray for the strength to get through each day. Pray that in the season of our Savior’s birth they would feel God’s love so greatly even though they hurt so deeply. It would also touch their heart if you let them know you’re praying for them. I received one of those texts today at just the right time. It was a great reminder that in this process of grieving, God is with me every step providing what I need.
Thank You, Jesus, for walking with me through this difficult time. Thank You for the love You continue to pour out on me. Thank You that though there are times I feel alone, You are always with me. Thank You that one day I’ll be in heaven with my bestie and we can once again celebrate Your birth together.