June 28th, 2018

The Truth About Grief

“Things aren’t going to be the same. It’s not okay that Danny’s gone.” Pastor Mark’s acknowledgment somehow lightens the burden in my heart. “Don’t feel the need to pretend, even if the rest of your family does. I’ve always appreciated your genuine faith.” He leans forward. “This is a pretty awful situation. But continue to take your questions and hurts to God. He’s there for you, Lydia. He can handle your questions and your pain. Keep leaning on Him and believing Him for a miracle.” ~The Beloved

I cried the first time I wrote this quote in The Beloved, book two of the Once Lost series. And when I came upon it while making revisions, I cried again. I’ve wanted to call my best friend so many times in the past week. To share my stress with her, my frustrations, my excitement. I could imagine what she’d say, hear her advice in my head, but that doesn’t make it okay that she’s gone. It doesn’t make it better.

Can we just be honest? It hurts when we lose someone we love. It’s great that they are with God in heaven, but it sucks for those who are left behind. But I do know God is there. He sees my tears, even in the dark of night. He feels my pain, even though I can’t describe it. He hears my prayers, even when I can’t utter them.

And somehow He’s growing me. I can’t see it yet, but I feel it. A greater compassion for those who hurt. A greater acceptance for those who have had their world turned upside down. A greater realization that bad things happen to people who love Him desperately…but somehow, at some point, He will use it for good. Maybe that’s why this book makes me so anxious. I want THIS to be the “good.” I want to “show” those who don’t understand how deep the pain can be so they will understand and be more encouraging to those who are barely holding on. That is our job as Christians, isn’t it? To come alongside one another, not to fix or make each other happy, but to love and support one another? I know the only one who can fix my broken heart is the Lord, but I so appreciate those who carry me in prayer, hold me when I cry, and admit they have no words to heal my broken heart.

If you are hurting, struggling in any way, let me know with a comment or through a message how I can pray for you. I know how hard it is. Though I’m smiling in pictures, I know what it’s like to not be able to stop crying.

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