Beyond the Pain
The week started, and ended, with a visit to the chiropractor.
“What’s going on?” he asked when he saw me because I now come once a month at worse.
“I’m back to work,” I told him. “I don’t know if it’s the 12 hours a day on the computer, the stress, or the driving when I’m not working that’s killing me, but I’m in a ton of pain.”
He worked his magic and I drove to my Zumba class wanting to pretend like I was okay. Trying to convince myself I was fine. Instead of parking, I drove around the parking lot once and left with a pounding head, tears in my eyes, and defeat in my heart.
I’m suppose to be better, I told myself, the pain is suppose to be over.
I continued about my day with meetings and emails, researching problems and answering questions. I smiled and laughed, composed emails and texts, but the pain continued.
As I drove home after my last meeting, I had no prayers to offer, only a plea from my heart—Please, God, take the pain away. It’s too much.
The Lord did what He does best. He didn’t remove it, but He reminded me. He reminded me of what I’ve been through and who He is. That last year I didn’t start the school year because I literally couldn’t think straight. My head pain was constant and relentless. Not even the narcotics the doctor prescribed helped. When I finally had pain shots at the end of the week and I returned to work, my brain hurt from all the thinking and constant doing because I was dealing with brain trauma from a car accident six months before and didn’t know it. That was a lot of pain. That was too much. And yet, I survived.
My heart was humbled at the remembrance of all God has brought me through and the lessons He taught me that now a year later, had slipped my mind.
**Sometimes we need to admit to ourselves, and others, that we aren’t okay.
**He calls us to be still and know He’s God.
Yes, the pain is awful, but He is good, all the time. He brought me through this week and He’ll take me through the next. And really, I didn’t just ‘get through’ the week. I worked long days and still wrote 3-5 hours a night. I made it through a 7 hour staff meeting without any pain. I attended writer’s group and spent a few nights at my hubby’s work, visiting with him on his breaks. God’s mercies are new every morning, so I know without a doubt, that I’ll make it through tomorrow.
What about you? Do you have that assurance in your heart? Do you take time to be still and know He’s God? When you need help or are struggling emotionally, physically, or spiritually, do you admit it to yourself and others closest to you? I learned through all my trials last year that living doesn’t just mean surviving. You can be truly living in hard and painful circumstances when you have your eyes focused on Christ.
I appreciate your prayers, because I know they work. I know He’s not done with this aging body of mine. I know He wants to restore me physically better than I was at the time of the accident. I know this is only a season. I’ll be praying for you, for faith that God will pull you through whatever season you are going through, that He will strengthen your faith and shower you with blessings because He is that good. All the time.